I am just in absolute awe of the starkness of old memories. Like you'd think

scratching the surface of a rusty nail would actually resurrect the shiny and

polished one you had. Not! I think I think I think I think in excess. The

particles that spanned my 'life' were just dust. The atoms that swirled

around were blown away by the wind. The molecule that kept bugging,

all it took was one deep breath.

It was the happy pill that brought shyness to alchemy.


cheerios.

Uninspired is a word I use very loosely to coin my hiatus with regards to this blog and blogging itself. Nonetheless, I was inspired to blog after reading a few blogs belonging to friends. I thought, why not divulge a little piece of my life to the blogosphere since I rarely even come close to doing that since I started to electronically journal my thoughts.

Usually my thoughts are heavily tinged with incomprehensibility to anyone else but me because literally with the pun intended obviously I do not want anyone to know the references and the actual should I say graphic content of it. I'd rather read it over and over again smiling contentedly to myself as I remember myself writing the masked pieces and the reasons for which I used certain words and descriptions to pin down the underlying meanings, creaming them with snide sarcasm something I believe I'm skilled at.

Although, now I find myself, through the course of writing this paragraph, uninspired again. Until the moment where I feel truly inspired to write, I shall recede here.

Valentine's day is OVERRATED.period.

We always receive invitations to parties and events that are student oriented. This invitation caught my eye.

SHARADHA'S QUOTE OF THE YEAR

I leave 2008 with these few words to the deserving,

"Next time, don't run away, just walk so that at least you'll be known as a better coward"

Yesterday one of my idiotic friends whose name I will not mention because of all of the reasons we have come to discover and discuss yesterday told me that she "could not understand a shit" I was writing in my blog. Yes people, those were her exact words. But she's not the only one, many others have rephrased what she said for a long long time.
Alas, little do I understand why so BUT I will try to write understandable shit.

Reasons why I like Scotland
1. The weather!( I know some people beg to differ, but hey! No sweat! and no pun intended! ;) )
2. The tranquility (I'm a loner and I like being one!)
3. The picturesque views (There's a wide wide world out there!)
4. The people (Friendly. From all walks of life. Gender and age are not part of the equation)
5. The system (Very lepak!)
So what you should do is to mentally compare Singapore to what I've described above and see which country scores the most.

You know how people(including me) say only time will tell? Well, time has elapsed long enough for me to criticize the things that have happened this year and the one before that.
This is how I see it.
I couldn't have controlled the things that caused things to happen.
BUT
I controlled the outcomes.
I controlled the consequences.

One would ask whether
Am I satisfied with them? In most cases yes, some cases no. Cos you gotta do what you gotta do
Do I regret what I have done? No, cos you gotta do what you wanna do

I've had my share of moments of folly, where I think to myself whenever I get reminded of them, "What the hell was I thinking?"("Maybe cos you weren't! Hah!", the little voice inside my head ridicules me). That is not regret my friend because I have always laughed at my miscalculations!

What has to be done will be done. What will be done has to be done. What is done cannot be undone. But what is to be undone can be done?

We shall find out about that in 2009, shall we?

"...cos I'm living in a world of fools, breaking us down, and they all should let us be.. " the crooning voices cascades from the background. I'm enjoying the music. Surround system and all. Felt like it anyways. Its tune and lyrics find a way into me and suddenly I'm engulfed by an emotion I've never felt. It might have been pangs of sorrow, but I am not certain of it and don't take me up on that.
Unclear, it certainly was. The small figures moving about were wisps of coloured smoke teasingly floating alongside. And no, I didn't see the light. I saw darkness in light. And no, it wasn't a hole. It literally of encapsulated me. The lack of light was comforting in a weird way. I didn't have to be forced to perceive. I noticed that I was constantly being followed by these two wisps of smoke one was yellow and the other was red and they were constantly switching positions on either sides of me. Really, I'm not crazy. It was like they cajoled me into the darkness. Okay wait, the darkness had a colour. It was the brightest and deepest form of red. I reached out to touch it. I couldn't. There was something blocking. This orb that I now realise is existent, separated me from that darkness. I try so hard to reach for it again and finally the tip of my finger touched the orb. Happy with my progress, I hyperextend. Something snaps. Oh no, I was spinning, like a bunch of clothes in a washing machine. I panic and start to thrust my arms and legs. I was still in the orb. Still in the same panicky state, I kick the orb, and the orb started to shrink and my wisp friends were leaving me, darkness was getting too close for comfort. Closer and closer. What is happening?! Something was punching me. I felt this force pulsating all over me. Mayhem. I thought I was being punished. But what did I do this time round? Okay, back to the current situation at hand. I was totally drenched in darkness, my eyes were closed, but it didn't matter anyway, what was the point of opening your eyes in darkness right? Am I being punished? I wondered again.

It's a girl. Congratulations!
(crowd cheers)
What?! I think to myself. I take a peek with half opening my eyes.
I see the uncomfortable white light.

Oh shit. I AM BEING PUNISHED.

Berlin/Marseilles?

I really can't decide.
Greece is still my numero uno.
Patience. patience.

I came to the conclusion after watching (unreal/real/reality??)the hills.
A chord was struck.
Although,
Speidi(haha..) -Spencer = Great!
But,
There will always have to be a Heidi when there's a Spencer. (Vice versa)
Hopefully we have a ratio of 1:1 between the two.
We wouldn't want to be entertaining the spillovers.
Trust me. I know.

Majority of you are clueless, haha.

Apart from that, I'm liking it here.
Weather and all.

Picsss!



My very own version of a (mutant) snowman!



Downstairs my flat



View from the flat.

Finally words make an entrance and exit my mind allowing me to pen down the thoughts that were once reclusive.

Finally I feel peace lined with freedom, at least a few of its kind, to sweep over me, while at the same time I wish that it lasted longer although I know of its permanence.

Finally I have clarity, not of the mind, but of that constantly reshaping future.

Finally I can see the shadows around me whenever I close my eyes because they will always guide me through even in the absence of light.

Finally I can see that the consequences I have chosen are the ones I want. Getting far far away was one of them.

"Look at it this way", he said for the third time.
"What way?!", I asked equally.
"The normal way...", he eyed me incredulously
"Huh?"
"Wah lau..."
I really didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
Until he turned the book I was reading upside down.

You know the weirdest part was that I actually understood what I was reading(supposedly).

I was reading a book on Hinduism and gender related issues on my way home from school. And this, I felt, was interesting.

If they see
breasts and long hair coming
they call it woman,

if beard and whiskers
they call it man:

But, look, the self that hovers
in between
is neither man nor woman

Plunged deep into the chasms of subconsciousness the tendrils were waving at the air, narrowing coaled eyes, one sturdy step forward. Winds bespoke their centrifugal likelihood. Winged creatures boomeranged the mid. A black curtain call was entertained by the introduction of lengendary electrocuting hide-and-seek player. Sardonic laughter resonated the sphere grasping onto every single fear released.

"Never!", she shrilled, fire igniting the belly of her hatred.

As if the gods took heed to her pleas, they punched the clouds to their bleeding points, a failed attempt on their part to extinguish the flames that belonged to the one they sired. Fibres gyrated her wrists, as she clasped her palms tightly, wishing for both to meet again. Tensions gnawed the bones paving paths for the wine to exit by meandering down her body. Face tilted overhead, she pierced their souls, her eyes injecting the omen that they could never beckon the life out of her.

Unfaltering and freshly empowered. Rage ruptured beneath her. Both had incurred each other's wrath. Her hands, pushed apart by an impregnating force. The skin stretched to its utmost capacity, but finally a burst of brutality tore right through the apex of her being. Her last air released, floating on the carpets of the winds, dispersed throughout space.

But her eyes, her eyes, as she promised, stored her life.

A single tear truncated from the funereal craquelure above fell into the abyss that undermined her death, her life, her struggle.

It was a second too late, for her eyes would have stored that too.

I'm baaack!
Stay tuned!

Somehow the post I created 2 days ago disappeared.

Shite.

Can't be bothered to write.

Peace out.

Flawed, I am
Flawless, you are.

Perception deceived,
No place it begun.

Searching, I lay
Found, you lie

No pun intended,
Intended was the pun.

Labels: poem

It's been a long time since you've heard from me huh? You'd prolly not be hearing much anyways. Blame the lazybones.

Spine slouched against the glass pane, legs stretched to fill the width, a device on my lap, providing me with insulation, as my denim skirt argues with me I use my jacket to smother it, and the supposed lazybones are typing away recklessly.

Yes, in Central Library's chat point, where talking is greeted with four walls(one real).

Programming. yall.. it's fer real!

This is something I saw on the web yesterday.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pre Object Oriented History (in "C")

(This is presented as C because all educated Indians are computer programmers. All the uneducated ones are people like you.)

The History of India is an iterative function with the following structure:

char History_of_India(int residents = Dravidians) {
 int intruders;
 char Indian_history[ENDLESS];

 wend{
   intruders = Hindukush::read_stack();
     if (intruders==0, Intruders = British Empire);
     working_their_way_down_the_ganges(intruders);
     Indian_history += Squabble(residents,intruders);
   residents += intruders;
 }while t< END_OF_TIME 

 return Indian_history
}

Unfortunately this function - as with all other kinds of Indian logic - hangs up in an infinite loop.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For those who don't understand, don't bother.

I'm getting late.
Dance practice.
Next time yall!

The soft whispers of chimes,
the wisps of motion,
was it fate,
or a resignation to fate?
The wheel spinning,
already before our time,
was it fate,
or a resignation to fate?


When my mind attains clarity I shall write about the life you lived.

Sharadha, you're single because you don't want to settle!

You, more than others, have a fairy tale fantasy of how things should be. Ever since you were a kid, you've probably dreamed of the perfect wedding, coming home to a white picket fence, dog, and 2.2 kids (how does that work, anyway?). When someone asks what you're looking for, you don't skip a beat: You're likely to have a handy checklist that details your perfect partner. Hair and eye color, height, religion, education, career, interests, the list goes on.

While it's great to have standards — Hey, you shouldn't have to settle, after all — there's one slight glitch in your master plan: No one has made the grade in real life — at least not yet. Next time you're out with someone, keep yourself from mentally checking that list, and give love — and others — a chance. That special someone who you've written off may be perfect for you after all...


In life you can make your own decisions or let other people make those decisions for you. Being Above The Influence is about staying true to yourself, and not letting people pressure you into being less than you. So be yourself. Or be something less. It's your call.



Why Are You Still Single?

Yes, yes, yes... I admit that nobody is perfect.
Instead it's the imperfections that characterizes us in someway or another. The imperfections that we have do not make us bad people. We can blame our flawed appearances and perceptions on those who thrust us into this world, on upbringing, on society, on the people we hang out with or even people whom our associates hang out with. In summary, we can use Bronfenbrenner as our excuse.

Ultimately, it is up to us to make the decision that we deem fit. We the decision makers have to live with the consequences of our decisions. Deeply imbued in every one of us is the sense of right and wrong. Our parents have taught us the differences between right and wrong ever since we put that thumb into our mouths. Whenever someone does something wrong do we immediately point fingers at their parents? I don't know about you, but I wouldn't.

So we live with our actions and consequences, no matter how we feel. That's the underlying strata of human survival instinct, subconsciously defending our every move. But what matters most is that we should be able to come to terms with ourselves and not deceive ourselves and eventually the rest of the world. Hellllllooo... who are we trying to kid here?

I'm appalled whenever people tell me to be politically correct. In fact I don't give a damn about being politically correct and so should you. Do they even realize what they are advocating? Asking me to put up an act, to cover up how I actually feel about something someone did or said. Why won't one say what they truly feel? How do you even define politically correct now?

Coming back to people who do not live with their actions, to those who run away from their lies by covering them with others, I've got a message for you. Try grafting the littlest shreds of humility, integrity and mostly morality that you left behind, pray and hope that they'd rejuvenate and cover your highly delusional ugly self, for the skin that you have now will not last long and that it's those that you left behind that will save you from yourself. Oh ya. and word of advice, the people who still talk to you are being politically correct. That's all.

Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

The specks of rays that penetrated the translucent satin fringes of the room gave it a glow. Gently awakened by the soft light and the cool breeze that wrapped around me like a blanket. Still in the comfortable fetal position, my eyelids were half-open, even then I could still see the perfectness of everything that surrounded. The silence was full of life. Calm was far from calamity. Peace and serenity ensued.
Just perfect.

Have you ever woken up one fine day to feel that you could now hold the reins of life? That you were the one who would give direction to it, not any other. Everything else was just mutually exclusive. That you were just you and the rest of the world was just them? And that there was no bridge in between because there never was one? You constantly had to jump over cliffs just to get to the other side, and even when you did, it was never enough or the parachute you used just gave way or never worked at all. But then you still land safely, into the comforts of the unknown, make do with what you have and head south.

I think to myself , now is the moment, no wait, the moment is now.